Hello lovelies, today’s post is on practical pieces of advice for new moms. While i no longer consider myself a new mom with my daughter turning three years old in a few months, i would love to share some words of wisdom for new moms. I have gotten, read and heard these nuggets several times and they have made a huge difference throughout the years. Sometimes becoming a mom can be quite overwhelming to the point that it takes over your entire life.
The first few weeks and even months of motherhood were crazy! It was such a huge lifestyle change that no one prepares you for. Some of these words of wisdom, i had heard but of course, i did not think they made sense or somehow did not make much sense of them. There are actually some i still do not believe to be quite possible so they didn’t make this list for me lol. One of which is sleep when the baby sleeps, maybe when the next child comes i will try it out again. But with my daughter, i did not quite see how that was possible. Anyway, that aside, let’s dive into some of the pieces of advice for new moms.
Practical pieces of advice for new moms
Outside of prayer, motherhood will be total chaos. Our children do not belong to us, we are only guardians on earth. God gives us the wisdom and all we need to take care of them. So why do we sometimes feel we know it all or that we can raise them all by ourselves? We need to always go down on our knees and spend time learning from God on how best to raise them daily. Each child is different and every stage is a learning process. No one knows it all besides God, so it’s important to always remain prayerful and take all our fears and worries to him.
Do something for yourself frequently
Yes, if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot give your best to your family. This is always a tough area for a lot of moms because we feel we need to always be serving our family. But you only have one body and only you can care for it best. Whatever it is that makes you feel like yourself regularly, do it. For me, i love to workout and also just be alone with myself. I try to squeeze in a 30 minutes workout each day right before work, after dropping my daughter at school. This helps me stay sane. I also love eating out just to escape cooking or cleaning while also having a nice meal. Especially since no matter how hard i try, i can never get my salmon to taste as nice as i love it in restaurants lol.
Ask for help
I still struggle with this, to be honest. Before having kids, we always believe we can do it all ourselves and do not need help. But it is so important since we cannot do it all alone. As mothers, there just is not always enough time to get everything you want to do done in the day. I am so grateful for my mother-in-love that is always available to help with my daughter especially when we want some bonding time alone. Find people that can help you out in whatever ways. It could be grocery shopping, cooking meals, helping to watch your kids, cleaning etc. No one is an island, you will eventually burn out if you try to do it all yourself
Avoid perfect mom syndrome
This one is such a true one I think we all go through this at one point or the other. We see all those “perfect moms” with kids all looking nice and proper. They constantly talk about how well mannered their kids are, how they eat right, clean up, learn to read and write faster than anyone else, get the best grades etc. These same kids can speak five languages already and are into so many sports are super confident, you name it! Somehow these moms seem to have it all together and still manage to look amazing and all smiles everywhere, right? Yep, we all see them, especially on social media. Behind every perfect picture is about 100 shots that were full of tantrums.
Do not compare your own low moments with someone’s success moment. Everyone goes through their struggles and there is no perfect mom. No one knows how to parent perfectly, even those that look perfect are just winging it lol. I love to call first-borns the practice specimens because, after the first child, parents have made mistakes, and learned from them and avoid them in the next children.
Forgive yourself, its okay to make mistakes
We all make mistakes so do not dwell on them. We have all at one point had our kids fall off the chair or the bed or something, run into the wall etc. I am always just thankful and praying that whatever mistakes we make are not those that will harm them for life. So whatever mistake you make, they are still alive and well, so it’s all good, forgive yourself and move it! Tomorrow is another day, it is all a learning process. As i said, most parents are just winging it haha.
When next you feel stressed over a mistake, take a deep breath and just relax. It is okay to leave your baby to cry for a few minutes while you gather yourself together. The goal of motherhood is not how many times you do something right cause you will do so many things wrong. At the end of the day, what matters is that everything is done from a place of love for your family. Do not feel guilty because your kids push you over sometimes, that’s totally okay as long as they know you are the boss at the end of the day lolll.
Enjoy every moment
Yes, enjoy every moment with your children. The time goes by fast. I have come to believe in the saying that the days are long but the years are short. They grow up so fast and you do not want to regret missed moments with them because you were focused on something else. I am guilty of this especially when it comes to chores. I sometimes have to force myself to leave the dishes or chores and spend some extra time with my daughter. It is so easy to get carried away trying to keep the house clean and impress others that you miss out on what is really important. They will only be cute for so long.
My daughter loves to cuddle or wants me to hug her randomly and kiss her wounds, sometimes i do not feel like it. But i always remind myself that a time will come when she will do less of these because she is not grown up or feels embarrassed etc. So enjoy the sweet and cute phases. They will eventually need a little less of you each time and you will miss these moments. No matter what phase you are struggling with, always remember that this phase will pass.
Teamwork with your partner
You and your partner are a team, work together to bring up your children. Discuss your parenting styles and how you would love to raise your children. It is totally fine for someone to be the strict one and someone to be calmer. You need a balance so do not feel bad if you are known as the nice one or in more annoying words, the “pushover” parent lol. I hate that term lol. Share roles, take turns putting them to bed, taking them out, feeding them etc, it’s not for just moms, you brought them into the world together.
Laugh together and make fun of each other together. Check out this post I wrote a post about surviving the first years of marriage with kids. We have a rule we started, if my daughter is being disciplined by one of us, the other parent is not allowed to say “release her”. The other parent can text it to me or use a signal so she does not know what we are doing. But you do not want the child thinking they can wriggle out of things by going to the other parent or trying to cunningly come between your parenting styles
This is a struggle. You know when they have driven you to the moon and back a million times, all you want to do is fling them across the room lol. Yep, try to hold yourself and yell less. I am currently working on myself in this regard. We all want our children to be kind to others daily but it starts with us.
There was a day i placed my milkshake on the carpet next to me, my daughter got up and was playing on the couch and knocked it over. Gosh, I was upset, i yelled at her for being restless. I eventually thought about my action afterward and realized i was wrong. She was just playing on her own and was not aware of my milkshake. But i was in a bad mood and poured the anger on her. The next step was to ask God for forgiveness and allow him to work on my heart. It is important before yelling or taking steps, to evaluate if they are even at the age to understand the message we are trying to pass across.
I always thought i was very patient, but being a mom has tested that so many times. Whenever your kids upset you, take a deep breath before yelling, try to come down to their level and explain the situation and your expectations of them. Especially when they are still toddlers, many things are unclear to them or they really just want to have fun lol. Kindness begins from us, they see everything we do and pick up what we show them. Show kindness at all times and situations.
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Trust your instincts
A mother’s instinct is usually right. Whenever i think something is wrong, i always act on it because most times it will be accurate. I remember when searching for a daycare center. I found two different locations of the same company. They were equal distances from the house but in opposite directions. I went to the first one, all the checkboxes were checked off, but for some reason, i was still not fully at peace about it. I went to the second one and felt fully at peace so she ended up at the second location. Till date, i do not know what was off about the first place but i chose to trust my maternal instincts. There is just something golden about this motherly instinct that God has given us as mothers.
Have mama friends
Having friends who also have kids helps a great deal. You all understand the struggle and can help each other out. Sometimes, it could be hard explaining certain things to anyone who does not have kids or has not spent time with kids. Find mommy groups to hang out if you do not have many mama friends.
Save all the memories
I treasure all our pictures with my daughter right from birth. I save every single one on my phone and laptop. There is this amazing app called Lifecake, it has been the best app ever. The app shows the exact age they were when the picture was taken and arranges them in that order. So i can scroll down to pictures from when she was 8months and 22 days or any random age. You can also include family members so they can be notified when you add new pictures and can view it too. My mom gets excited when she gets a notification of a new photo added to the app.
You would not love every minute of it
Motherhood is obviously better than any job on earth. However, just like any job, you will not love it 100 percent of the time and that is okay. Do not feel like you are a bad mom for this. There will be days when you just want to hide inside the closet to have your own space or you just want your child to go to bed to let you breathe. This does not mean you are a bad mom, it just means you are human, allow yourself to feel real emotions without guilt. I remember when my daughter was born, i was so exhausted i honestly did not feel any emotions when she came out. I just wanted them to take her away so i could get some rest. They cleaned her up and brought her back in like an hour. I asked the nurse if she was sleeping with me or going to the newborn nursery. I was hoping the later will be the case as i was exhausted. The nurse laughed and said she was staying with me, i nearly passed out lol. But this did not define me as a bad mom, i was just one tired mama from 28 hours of labor.
Love your family and have fun together
This is very important, spend time together as a family and enjoy it. Your children are only young for so long. Go out and bond together. Play around, have fun, go crazy, show them that you love them. Do not take this life so seriously. Life is like a vapor, it’s here and gone, so cherish every moment you have with your family and love on them. Do not get so carried away with the burdens and affairs of this life that you ignore what is really important.
There you have it dear one, i hope these pieces of advice have been helpful to you. Ultimately, let the Lord guide you in raising your children and submit them to his will.
While i have you here, i started a new weekly prayer for kids series. We pray over children for various issues or just life in general. Feel free to click the prayer for children posts and pray over the series posted already. I am super passionate about kids and it breaks my heart seeing childhood cancer, child abuse, or pain in children.